Now I don’t want to brag but I think I have a pretty good marriage. But one thing I realized was that really, my marriage was on autopilot. Now, providentially it was moving in a good direction and there were no huge problems. Really though, I knew it could be better. What I realized, and this was back in January, was that I had stopped “dating” my wife. Also at that time I began to read about marriage after marriage that ended up in affairs or divorce, simply because the couple had stopped relating to one another. They had lost the connection. They “loved” each other but they weren’t “in love” with each other.
To that end I decided that even though we didn’t appear to be in any danger in the least, I was going to take steps to reconnect with my wife. As a start I decided begin dating her again. The approach I took was that I would plan the date, I would not ask her what she wanted to do, where she wanted to go. I was the man, I was pursuing her, I made the plans, I asked her out. Some dates were expensive, most were dirt cheap. Here are some of the dates we have been on:
- An evening at a comedy club
- Dinner and a movie
- Dancing at a nightclub (yes, I do dance, and she dances … just…. wow.)
- Picnic by our favorite lake
- A visit to a local hotel (remember, we’re married)
- Italian sodas at a local coffee house
- Parking in the car and just talking
The most productive dates with her have been just sitting and talking. One thing I learned in reconnecting with her is that many times she just needs me to listen and understand her. I don’t need to solve the problems she is encountering. She just needs me to hear her. My needs are more simplistic but believe me, with our connection getting stronger, those needs are being met many times over.
So guys, don’t forget to date your wives.
3 thoughts on “Guys, are you dating your wives?”
Justin Buzzard just spoke in Chowchilla abou this very topic, have you seen the book? http://www.justinbuzzard.net/
Hey Fletch, no actually many of the ideas came from Sex and the Supremacy of Christ by John Piper/Justin Taylor. Lately I’ve been immersed into a vast sea of infidelity because of a particular social group I belong to. No, not church! I want to start writing on a bunch of recurring things I see that contributed to their problems. Hoping that someone will providentially come across my blog and see some red flags in their own marriage and try to start fixing what they are able to.
Nice. Thank you for reminding me to do so!